Secret services

MI6? The KGB? CIA? Mossad? The search for the most secret of secret services ends in Košice. The locals will even swear that no services operate in the city.  However, you shouldn’t believe everything you’re told. Services do exist in Košice. 

In authentic Slovak villages in traditional village houses you find: pizzerias; in authentic Slovak cities in typical bourgeoisie townhouses you find: pizzerias. Foodies and gastro-tourists in search of exotic local cuisines will just have to accept that the national dish in Košice, as in the rest of the country, is pizza.

But where gourmets and devotees of finesse are denied satisfaction, those searching for atypical and highly original local cultures will enjoy having their horizons expanded beyond what they thought possible.

Restaurant menus thick as a novel full of pre-prepared ingredients bought in warehouses. The meal prices so low that one asks if it is at all possible for the ingredients to be of a biological origin – or else so high that instead of the meal you could purchase a plane ticket and enjoy the Slovak national dish in its Italian homeland.  During the forty years of Communist rule private property didn’t exist in the city, like in the rest of the country, and the present day powerfully reflects this legacy. Unless you happen to come across a business run by the owners themselves, you do not stand a chance. But that is why you came here, no?

If you have to wait for ages to be served, it’s alright – the place is not used to customers.  If the wait for your food is too long, it’s alright – it indicates a human being in the kitchen. If you feel the bill is too high, it’s alright – the wages within the service industry are low. You will not have had a satisfying meal, no one will understand what you’re saying, you’ll lose your temper and waste lots of money – but in spite of this, you will appreciate the experiences that have taken you beyond the limits of reality when you share them with friends and family upon your return home.

No one protests against the broad spectrum of extreme experiences the city offers for the simple reason that they are the sole engine of the local tourist industry. Naturally, the local standard is surpassed by a small number of other places that succeed in offering even more extreme experiences, which, however, appear to the locals as the normal state of the world.

If it’s reliable transactions and good value purchases that you’re after, opt for fast food establishments, Chinese or Vietnamese bistros, and international food retailers instead. Goods are exchanged there by means of simple monetary transactions that you’re accustomed to from elsewhere. The prices do not include emotions or a premium charge for a taste of local folklore.

Related links:

• Urban Spirit Mapping
• Underground Art-Gallery
• Tabacka Kulturfabrik in Kosice
• More (hidden sear and other benefits)

Channel:

• Kosice - European Capital of Culture 2013